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Dealing with holiday stress (Part I)
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This is the first of two articles about coping with various types of stress during the holidays. Part two will be in next Tuesday's Neapolitan Living Well.
For many people, the holidays are all about religious observances, family, Santa and presents.
But for others, the season can be marred by stress, loneliness, bouts of profound sadness and even suicidal thoughts.
Daily stress can be challenging enough, but add unrealistic holiday expectations, over-commercialization and today's financial strains to the mix, and the holidays can become overwhelming.
Why do our troubles seem to magnify in December?
Experts say people look to the holidays for a glimpse of perfection, something rarely seen in everyday life throughout the year.
People remember easier times, or shoot hopeful glances toward a brighter future - leaving the present out of the equation even if happiness may be in plain sight.
When there's a letdown, it comes in the form of stress, which is exaggerated in the rush of the holiday season.
So for guidance, let's turn to the experts who have made a career in helping people navigate challenges of living that occur every day and during special occasions.
Enjoy it, it's life
It's called a stress thermometer.
It was created by nationally known speaker Jenny Craig, a licensed clinical social worker in Naples.
Craig founded a company called Enjoy It Life, and travels the country teaching psychologists, guidance counselors and instructional professionals her tools and tips to decrease stress and increase what she calls authentic happiness.
Craig's Enjoy It Life program will be available locally beginning in January.
"With demands so high during the holiday season and society moving so fast, sometimes we need to be reminded of how stressed we have become," said Craig, whose stress thermometer card helps people understand and lower stress levels.
Craig shares the following tips to help decrease stress during the holidays:
* Get out. Connecting with others helps lower stress. Don't keep stressful feelings inside.
* Identify the cause of your stress to gain insight on how to lower it.
* Recognize stress is a normal part of life.
* Encourage yourself and take pride in getting back up and continuing to try when life gets tough.
* Ask for help. People feel honored when they're asked to help. Your delegation conveys your trust in them.
"During the holidays and any stressful time, take time to remember a joyful moment in your life and allow yourself to remember every detail," Craig said. "Imagine that you are in your favorite spot, and focus on the smells, tastes and sounds of the landscape as you practice deep-breathing exercises. Feel the wonderful emotions return."
Parents also need to guard their children from stresses, especially during the holidays.
Craig is also the co-founder of the Cyber Safety Institute, which works to protect children on the Internet. The Institute reports that a nearly half of kids who have received mean or threatening e-mail or other such online messages haven't told their parents or an adult about the event.
Perhaps the most difficult part of the holidays is adjusting to the loss of a loved one, especially the first holiday without them.
Avow Hospice in Naples is a resource for people who have suffered the loss of a family member or close friend. The agency provides support and information on coping with grief during the holidays and bereavement counselors are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
"For many people, just thinking about the holidays spent with family and friends can bring back a flood of happy memories of good times and traditions," said Mary Brodeur, director of community relations for Avow Hospice. "When you're in pain from the loss of a loved one, holidays and other special days, such as birthdays and anniversaries, can be extremely difficult. While others are anticipating get-togethers, shopping and preparing traditional meals, you might be anxious for everything to be over."
Brodeur said each person is unique in the ways he or she handles grief, but there are some "tried-and-true'' methods for getting through the holidays as peacefully as possible.
"Planning ahead, getting plenty of rest, taking care of yourself and accepting your feelings as normal are all ways to make the season less stressful," Brodeur said. "Avow Hospice is also here to help and invites anyone to reach out to us - we answer the phone 24 hours a day."
Avow Hospice provides the meeting times and locations of support groups for people who have lost a loved one, pet or who are caregivers for the seriously ill.
All of their groups are open to the public at no charge and attendees don't have to be in their hospice program or even have a loved one in the program.
Avow Hospice also has a psychologist on staff specializing in children's grief to aid in providing support for a grieving child.
Holiday stress is heaped on parents in many ways. This year, financial woes also are plaguing parents in record numbers.
Efforts to measure up to previous years of giving are proving too much for many families.
In a sign of the times, the Collier County Salvation Army provided assistance to 2,400 residents in October, more than double the aid that the agency furnished in October 2008. Even America's wealthiest individuals are curbing spending this holiday season.
Sharon R. Treiser, senior director for BNY Mellon Wealth Management, works with some of the area's most generous benefactors. Her clients are reacting to the uncertainty of these times and pulling in the reins more this holiday season than in previous years.
"This holiday season we, as financial advisers and trust advisers, are seeing our clients cutting back on the size of their gifting," Treiser said. "Most are still gifting to family and philanthropic initiatives, but not at the same level as two years ago. There is still a feeling of uncertainty as to what the future will bring."
So experts advise parents not to overdo it when it comes to gift buying. But that doesn't keep parents from worrying about it.
So some experts suggest viewing the situation as an opportunity.
In an effort to reduce financial stress during the holiday season, Karen Friesz, clinical supervisor of urgent care at the David Lawrence Center based in Collier County, encourages a shift in focus by creating new family traditions.
"Consider pooling gift monies," Friesz said. "Use the money to buy one gift or do something nice for the entire family to create a new tradition."
An increasing number of people are finding stress relief in alternatives like massage therapy.
Greg Limb, a licensed massage therapist in Naples, is among those who specializes in therapeutic massage and travels to people's homes to help them relieve stress through massage therapy.
Some of his clients have purchased their own massage tables and have standing appointments as part of their stress reduction regimen. While such treatments require a financial commitment, Limb has clients of all walks of life and financial means in small condominiums to larger homes.
"Massage relieves stress by helping coach your body into a balanced state," Limb said. "When you are balanced, you feel, sleep, and function better and that's why sessions with a licensed massage therapist can help reduce pain and relieve the tensions of everyday life."
Massage is proven to relieve some of the tensions commonly brought on by the holiday season like muscle pain and strain, postural problems and can even lead to an improved mental outlook.
Contact Kelly Merritt at Kelly@Kelly-Merritt.com
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